Yesterday marked the 5 week countdown to my trip to Jamaica. If you’re new here – I earned (not won) an all expenses paid trip to Jamaica through the skincare company I work for, NuSkin. It’s not an easy feat to earn these trips, and I am so proud of my team (and myself!) for all of the hard work it took to get here.
Last week I had an epiphany when I posted something on my Instagram story. I wrote ‘3 Things I’m Focusing On This Week’ which were :
- Stick with my meal plan & drink enough water
- Exercise at least 3 times M-F
- Organize Calvin’s closet
Seeing those 3 things written out made it click for me that something really has shifted in my brain. If I had written that list last year, or any year prior honestly, I would have written something like “exercise at least 3 times because Jamaica is coming up!!!!!” But this time I didn’t. It didn’t even cross my mind. It might seem like such a simple thing but to me this means everything.
Last year, 2021, I felt so uncomfortable in my body. The biggest and most uncomfortable I had ever been in my life. It really took a toll on me mentally, emotionally, and of course, physically. I had had complications after Calvin’s birth, he had his own health stuff going on with his eczema and allergies – which was all new to me -, and I suffered with PPA which in turn morphed into PPD. Last year was arguably the hardest year of my life.
Knowing I have made it out on the other side brings tears to my eyes just writing this. What it has made me realize is that how I feel is so much more important than how I look. Of course we all want to look our best, but I’m not there yet. I have muscle . . . but I also have fat and extra skin from giving life to my two boys. I have acceptance and love for my body . . . while also missing my pre-baby body.
What is important to me is feeling energetic everyday to give my best to myself, my family, my business. It’s feeling motivated to do fun stuff with my kids, to learn new things, to educate myself, to exercise, to help people, to love my husband. Last year I felt like I would never get to this place. I feel like me again. A new version of me. I’m consciously and actively creating the life I have always wanted and I’m not stopping.
I’m showing up for myself. Some people may say that as a Mom you shouldn’t prioritize yourself. And I could not disagree with that more. I have put myself at the top of the list these last 7 months and what I’ve seen as the outcome has been extraordinary.
Last week I had a meeting with an old friend who is helping me with my gut health and teaching me all about it. My struggles from last year came up and she asked me how I think I made it through. It was hard for me to answer – but I guess what it came down to was : ‘time’ and ‘never giving up’. I do wish I could turn back time and be more patient with myself, but I also know I never gave up. I never threw in the towel and accepted living my life that way. I got a therapist, cried a lot, vented to friends, went on walks, read books, and slowly it turned into healthier habits like quitting alcohol, going back to workout classes, eating cleaner, taking supplements, and (working on) switching my mindset.
I guess this was all a really long way to say that a few times I have caught myself being nervous about my trip to Jamaica. I will be traveling there with a ton of women that I work with. They are all so intimidatingly beautiful!!!!! I’m being serious. If you could see photos of them you would agree. They all have great bodies and fashion sense and I’m just a regular ole’ gal from Vermont trying her best lol.
But there are two sides to this coin. These women inspire the f*** out of me to be better. Guess how they got those fit AF bodies? By working their asses off. They’re out here designing their perfect lives, and I am too.
The other side of it is, I am not going to let my insecurities hold me back. I’m not going to “diet” these next 5 weeks leading up to Jamaica. I’m not going to force my body to do workouts when it’s begging me for rest. I have gotten so in-tune with my body these last 19 months that I’m going to continue to honor it and be kind to myself. And also, I know my friends don’t care what I look like in a bikini, they care that I’m there and that I’m HAPPY. So Jamaica, here I come 🙂